Dating Advice Not To Take – Vanessa Tai
After I made very public announcements about my single and ready to mingle status, people around me have been passing me dating advice. They range from the well-meaning to the well, downright ridiculous – “Maybe you should start playing Diablo 3 so that both of you will have things to talk about.” Err, thanks but no thanks.
However, after putting myself out there and actually trying out a few of these tips, I’ve concluded that there are several common dating advice that we really shouldn’t be heeding at all.
1. “Making the first move will make you seem desperate”
A lot of my female friends are bold, sassy and confident women with very liberal worldviews. However, when it comes to dating, it seems like we are still stuck in a 19th century rut. For example, when I talk about wanting to ask a random guy out, they would dither between encouraging me to go for it and saying things like, “Are you sure? Will you be embarrassed if he says no?” This sort of mixed advice left me feeling even more confused, and so I held back on asking any guy out. Until today. So there was this very cute barista at Starbucks … while I was too chicken to ask him out myself, my colleague very kindly talked me up and passed him my number. It was the first time I’ve ever done something like that, and I must say it’s truly exhilarating!
2. “If he does that, it’s a deal-breaker!”
All of us have a list of “Must Haves” and “Must Not Haves” when it comes to our ideal partner. My list of “Must Nots” includes: no narrow-minded folk and no animal haters. But I know many girls with ludicrously long lists of “Must Not Haves”. Some of the items on their list include “Must not type lIkE tHAt” or “Must not watch manga/anime”. I’ve had friends who told me, “He’s a really nice guy, but I just can’t get past the fact that he watches anime.” I mean, c’mon! It’s already so difficult to find someone you’re remotely attracted to and is interested in you. Are you really going to write him off just because he doesn’t share your love for arty, foreign films or because his dressing is “not quite your type”?
I reckon we should set aside our biases and get to know the dude better before we decide whether or not to write them off. Of course, we shouldn’t lead him on either. If you really aren’t feeling it, let him down lightly by saying something like “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think we’ll be much better off as friends.” If he’s mature enough, he should understand and you’ll have a new friend! And if he doesn’t? It’ll only validate your decision not to pursue things further.
3. “Don’t talk about taboo topics on first dates”
This is a very common piece of advice – we all know that politics, past relationships and religion are off-limits when you’re just getting to know somebody. However, following this advice has made me very guarded on dates, because I become very conscious about what I’m saying. This makes for very stilted, unnatural conversation, which I’m sure we can all agree does not make for a good first date. During the few times where I allowed myself to speak my mind, I felt infinitely freer and got to know the guy on a much more meaningful level too. Conclusion? Looks like “Just be yourself” is really a much more useful piece of advice.
Anyway, these are just my two cents’ worth. What do you think are some other dating advice we should ignore?