The New Porn Everyone Is Sharing On Facebook – Deborah Tan

Over the weekend, something drove me crazy.

Nope. It wasn’t the fact that the boyfriend booked himself a 10-day holiday to Koh Samui without me.

Nope. It wasn’t the fact that three out of three of the petrol stations that I had checked out had no Cosmo on display (yes, I can be quite fanatical).

And nope, it wasn’t because someone was of the opinion that women aren’t interested in zombies.

It was the proliferation of insanely cute animal pictures on my Facebook wall.

Seriously, what happened? Why are there puppies, kittens, hedgehogs and rabbits asking me to Like their photos? Isn’t it enough that my friends are asking me to Like their holiday pictures and their babies’ mugshots? Why am I now confronted with animals asking me to “Like this picture if you think I’m cute”?!?!?

What am I talking about?

Look at these pictures:

1. Cat dressed in a ridiculous costume

2. Cat with a ridiculously grumpy face

3. Cat executing ridiculous yoga pose

I call these pictures “animal porn”.

Now, don’t you go Google “animal porn” just yet. Trust me, the type of sites and images you’ll find WILL NOT be exactly suitable for ANYONE. I personally call these cute animal pictures “animal porn” because it seems to make a lot of women happy – even happier than if they had just had a multiple orgasm. There’s something about these pictures that sends the serotonin levels shooting through the roof!

[Relevant: Meet Cosmo's resident animal-lover here!]

So I’ve gone and done a bit of research. Apparently, this obsession with cute is as ancient as our human nature. Ethologist Konrad Lorenz proposed in the 1940s that we naturally want to care for any small, vulnerable creature. Lorenz suggested that infantile characteristics — big head, big eyes, the very round face — stimulate caretaking behaviour. It also explains why “cute girls with anime makeup and dressing” drive men crazy. It also explains why “big eyes” and a “high voice” make women more attractive to men. It also explains why women go gaga over adorable babies.

Cuteness helps us forget about the unhappiness we experience in our daily lives. Grown-ups with problems at work, kids who are stressed with school, retirees with little entertainment options … all sorts. People simply love cute. And, nothing is cuter than kittens, puppies and bunnies doing ridiculous things wearing ridiculous clothes. Oohing and aahing over photographs is definitely less expensive than actually having a pet, right?

In case you are wondering if there is a reason why my three examples above all involved cats, let me reveal something to you.

Back in the 1870s, English photographer Henry Pointer started shooting pictures of cats mimicking human activities. In his career shooting animals, he found that while rabbits were the easiest to shoot in costumes, they were unable to assume human-like poses. Puppies required a fair amount of coaxing and you needed to understand how to work with them. They were also most easily distracted. He therefore concluded that kittens were the “most versatile actors”.

In a quick search of “cute animal pictures”, I found that there are a disproportionately higher number of cats’ photos than those of other animals. I guess this is why in the movie franchise Cats & Dogs, it was the cats who played the villains.

Now, before you amateur photographers go and attempt to get a kitten to pose for you, I would like to just take this opportunity to say that photos like these may have caused these animals a fair degree of discomfort and pain. So it’s best to leave such projects to the professionals and people are have been trained to handle animals for photoshoots. The best way to enjoy these cute pictures would be to just look at them online.

Oh, and try not to share them on Facebook please?

Comments
2 Responses to “The New Porn Everyone Is Sharing On Facebook – Deborah Tan”
  1. Charlene says:

    ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. My Facebook wall is sadly the same. 2% interesting status updates, 8% drunken photos from the night before, 90% ‘like this in 3seconds if you think I’m adorable/cute/pretty/hot’ grrrrr -.-

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