It’s Just A Lil’ Crush – Deborah Tan

I’m sure all of us – at more than one point of our lives – have suffered from the heart-wrenching, gut-tearing, frustrating feelings of a nursing a crush.

Some crushes become the real thing. Which is fabulous. All that feelings you have for a guy and one day, he tells you he feels the same way about you too. I mean, what could be better?

Some crushes die off naturally. It could be a friend of a friend, someone you don’t see very often. You fantasise about a romantic story developing between you both. You toy with the idea that maybe, one day, your paths will magically cross and you both will fall deeply in love with one another. But since you don’t really see each other so often, the crush eventually dies a natural death.

Some crushes stay and stay and stay and stay. There’s no explaining why you have such strong feelings for the guy. You’ve never dated. You may be just friends. You may be colleagues. Sometimes, this crush could be a face you see every day on the train and you just can’t explain why you get that whole, “We ARE really meant to be together” feeling whenever you see him.

Crushes … they affect all of us whether we are 8 or 68.

Are they healthy? Yes. Because they are a pretty reliable sign that you still believe in love and you still hold the hope that one day, you will meet the person who will complete the love story of your life.

And yet, crushes can become unhealthy too. When you stalk his Facebook Wall and get all upset when girls leave him “meaningful” messages, when you scour every single photo of his for that “potential girlfriend” he might end up with, when you plan your travelling schedule just so you can “run” into him on the bus or the train …. when it affects how you spend your time and lead your life, a crush can be a pain in the a**.

Your heart – whenever your crush is nearby

A couple of years ago, I had a crush on this guy – let’s call him Mr. X. When I was first introduced to Mr. X, he ticked all the boxes. He was tall, he was good-looking, he was successful, he was sporty, he was really the guy I’ve always imagined I would be married to some day. And so, I plucked up the courage to add him on Facebook. To my pleasant surprise, he messaged me and asked if I’d like to go for a coffee soon. Things never quite developed from there though. I guess some higher power was trying to tell me that it’s not meant to be. We never got to do that coffee. For all my forwardness when it comes to men, Mr. X was the person I could never really be confident in front of whenever I see him. There was just something so imposing about his person, I forget to be me. Instead, I usually just say hi, look away shyly and try my best to ensure my inner fan-girl never revealed herself. Eventually, Mr. X simply became someone I used to “work with” (that’s putting our form of contact generically). We now have absolutely no contact with each other (although we are still “friends” on Facebook). And, sometimes, when we see each other in public, we kind of look away so we can avoid having to even acknowledge the other person.

My friends who are aware of this crush roll their eyes whenever I go, “I saw Mr. X today at this place … he’s still so hot … sigh …”. To them, Mr. X is just really Mr. Wrong. And on hindsight, they are right.

Sometimes when I think about it, I realise that if anything had happened between Mr. X and I, the relationship would have stressed me out so, so much. If I transformed into some meek little girl whenever he was talking to me, imagine what I’d be like with him as my boyfriend? And, seriously, can I really be the type of woman that will complement the type of alpha-male that he is? No. I don’t want to be Mrs Alpha-Male. I want to be Miss Alpha-Female. For all his hotness, a relationship with Mr. X would have snuffed out my personality completely. Things work out in such magical ways when you think about it.

I’m extremely happy in my current relationship.

But sometimes, when I find myself in the area Mr. X works in or when I catch a glimpse of someone who looks like Mr. X from afar, my heart still skips a beat. That’s what crushes do to you even after they die. It’s like muscle memory … even after years of not feeling this strongly for a person, it doesn’t go away completely. A part of you is still wired to the “what-if” aspect of the crush – that maybe, one day, the one who got away will come back and become The One. It’s a healthy feeling to have because one should never stop wishing for romance, but just make sure you are not letting a “fantasy” get in the way of the good and the real deal you have right now.

Like the Jennifer Paige’s song goes, “It’s just a little crush.”

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