How Do You Know? – Deborah Tan

On Saturday, I attended the wedding of a friend I made while working on CLEO’s Bachelors in 2006. Over the years, he and a bunch of the guys from that year would invite me and Serene (my partner-in-crime in the features team) for the occasional lunch or party. It’s not like we became the best of friends with the boys but I was happy, and extremely touched, that he thought to invite Serene and I along to his wedding celebrations. Some of the guys are married while the rest are in super-steady relationships. Like a proud mother, I’m very happy for all of them.

As you can tell, I’m taking a while to get to the crux of the story I’m sharing here. Well, unlike Denise who’s gotten quite good at opening up to the entire Cosmo readership every month, I’m a bit “unfamiliar” as to how to get started.

After the banquet, I got home at about 11.45pm. The boyfriend was seated on the couch, watching Gladiator. In front of him, on the coffee table, were two boxes of pizzas. Obviously the dude was enjoying a major veg-out me-time. I plonked myself down next to him and began to help myself to the remaining 4 slices of Chicken Pesto Pizza.

It was totally unplanned but while munching away at the cold, hard pizza, I asked him, “Do you think we can get married this time next year?”

Without missing a beat, he replied, “Yeah. Okay.”

“Really?!?” I shot back incredulously. “You sure?” Let’s just say he’s never been a big fan of the M-word.

Then came the chuckle that says, “You wish.” I sank back into the couch and declared, “Okay. We have one year to get this wedding ready. And I have one year to lose weight. I’ll spare you the agony of trying to plan an elaborate proposal. But you must propose in August. There are 4 weekends so just pick one. And tomorrow, we tell my parents.”

“Oh no, we’re not!” he said. What followed was another 10 minutes of banter about why we should just get the wedding-thing out of the way. One of my many arguments FOR a wedding ASAP is that I would like to have a groom that still has a full head of hair.

Anyway, just so nobody pops open the Champagne, no plans have been confirmed.

And I’m not heartbroken with disappointment.

I guess the point of my post today is really to answer that age-old question: How do you know when someone is The One?

[Relevant: Found The One? Then download the Cosmo Bride app into your iPad now!]

For years, I’ve always asked my friends that. I cannot comprehend why you could be THIS sure of a person to want to spend the rest of your life with him/her. I cannot understand why anyone could make a decision like this when you’ve obviously not seen what the rest of the forest has to offer. But I think I finally can.

And here’s why:

1. You don’t feel like you’re stepping into the Great Unknown when you think about marrying this person

2. You know what you are getting and you can live with it

3. You know there’s no one else you’d rather spend your nights watching TV with

4. You don’t know why you laugh when he does the most irritating and annoying things … like insisting on watching The Dark Knight Rises every day until the movie is officially taken off-screen.

5. You know you are okay just carrying on with him EVEN if he’s going to take his time popping the question

I hope I’ve not mushed everyone out too badly.  I guess what I’m trying to say is … if you’ve found someone you truly love, the best thing to do is really to just roll with the punches and take things one step at a time.

[Relevant: Read Vanessa’s post on How To Be A Good Bridesmaid]

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