Single and Lovin’ It! – Vanessa Tai
You know that childhood ditty that goes, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage”? As innocuous as this silly little rhyme sounds, it actually sets the tone for many young girls (and boys) to expect that’s how life is supposed to pan out. Meet the love of your life in uni, work a couple of years to save up for a BTO flat, get married and have two kids. But as we all know, life hardly pans out the way we want it to. However, this doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing.
With women becoming increasingly independent, marriage is no longer a must-have; it’s an option. More and more women are choosing the “Single and lovin’ it” path, but even with a shift in societal attitudes, a sense of scepticism still lingers. It’s as if people find it implausible that a woman can be completely happy on her own, without a man to love or love her.
Very often, when discussing a successful woman, one of the first few questions that emerge is, “Is she married?” And if the woman in question is not, knowing looks are exchanged, as if to say, “Ah, no wonder she has so much time to build her career.” Even among some of my very successful friends, there is a handful that feels their lives are incomplete if a man is not in the equation.
Don’t get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against marriage or women wanting to get married. I just think it’s sad when it becomes a woman’s number one priority in life. There are so many things to look forward to in this grand circus called Life; why should we beat ourselves up just because we don’t have a boyfriend or a husband?
Some people reading this may think this is just bravado on my part, given that I’ve been single for so long. I respectfully disagree. Over the years of being single, I’ve grown to become more and more comfortable in my own skin and I now realise I don’t need a man to complete my life – it’s already complete, thank you very much. If anything, he has to complement it. So how did I get to this state of zen?
1. Celebrate Your Achievements (Big and Small)
Too often, we women don’t give ourselves enough credit, brushing aside compliments because “it’s the polite thing to do”. However we should give credit where credit is due. If you kicked ass at a work project, treat yourself to a pampering spa treatment or your favourite cocktail. You deserve it!
2. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
Whether it’s taking a six-month sabbatical to travel the world or simply going on a date with a guy that’s the complete opposite of your “type”, take the risk. Not only will you discover so many things about yourself, this boldness will give you the confidence to grab the bigger, better opportunities when they do come your way.
3. Find Your Tribe … And Stick With Them!
If you surround yourself with people with similar goals and aspirations as yourself, it’ll only make it easier and more exciting to pursue your dreams. You can seek advice from each other, cheer each other on, and basically, not feel so “alone”. In the same vein, stay away from cynics who try to tear down your dreams; they’re energy vampires and ought to be avoided like the plague.
If you’re a single gal reading this, know this: you’re not unloved, you’re not unwanted, and you’re most certainly not alone. Now go chase those dreams already!